I MOVED INTO ANOTHER BLOG.

So para sa inyong mga ngeenjoy basahin miseries ng buhay ko, pls go here na lang:

breakingeternity.blogspot.com

para naman maiwasan nyo ang kaemohan ng mga posts ko dito.

I learned my lessons. Hahahaha.

i deserve to die :(

...merely because i ain't doing a very good job at three things...


1. BEING A GOOD FRIEND

2. BEING A GOOD DAUGHTER

3. BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN

i can't take it. :( i deserve to die. why can't i learn to sacrifice for them? why can't i learn to show more love? why can't i at least do simple things for them? i feel that they feel that i don't care at all. they must think i'm heartless. they must really think that i am not worth it...

i'm not making any effort. i hate myself for that. i hate myself for not trying hard. i hate myself for always blaming things on others and for only thinking about myself.

look at my post.

it's all about... " I ".

God must hate me. He should. I'm not doing my obligations and am not doing anything to make up for it. I keep making promises but every bow i make is broken. :( i keep asking but there were only a few times that i will give something...as in selflessly. it's to rare for me to do that. it's sad...and still, THEY are there.

i'm human but i don't think it's humane for me to make the same mistakes all ovr again.

see why? why i wanna die? but then that wouldn't solve things right? no matter, i'll still be inflicting pain to those i'm close with. to those whom i'm supposed to be close with.

i don't have the ability to return all those things they've given or done for me.
or maybe, im just too stubborn & selfish to really do that. either way, i'm still at fault.

it hurts how sometimes, i have to pretend not to be hurt when i see them hurt cause they think i don't care at all. truth is, i do. but wth is wrong with me? i keep showing the contrary. i keep hurting them. what? don't i have any conscience? im hurting but i dont do anything for it. i say hurtful things and don't even mean half of them...but i cant take them back. the pain's alr there. ive made a mistake. i always subconsciously think of them and count their flaws...it's become a habit. however, what seems to be the real problem here is myself. and why is it that ic nt ever accept that fact?

am i going in circles?

i dont understand myself anymore.

ive said it to my friend before...
i feel like im looking at a stranger everytime i look in the mirror.



...as a friend...

i wanna be friends. i wanna treat everyone as friends.
but i get too attached sometimes that i depend on them too much and would expect a lot of things coming from them. so when it does not come, i am most affected. it's a wrong way of thinking...and i know. it's so shitty and bratty of me to think of it that way...but i do become really emotional. many times, i wud have this thinking that they dont want me as their friend and are ignoring me...w/c if you look at it really closely...they're not. im over-exaggerating things and i admit that. i fail as a friend.

...as a daughter...

i always had to choose between these two: MOM & INTERNET. as much as geeky as it may sound, i confess...i'm an internet addict. i can spend a day just sitting in front of the comp and i'll prolly have the best day of my life. so bet mom & internet...obviously, i always choose internet. see? wtf is with me?! the truth hurts but im sayign it nao. im a bad daughter...a really bad one. & i really wnana change that. i wanna care for my mother more...i wanna do things more for her. but this side of me always overcomes me. the side that would wnat pleasure than doing things for love. :( my mom has even said it, "You don't care about me, don't you." And that hurt. A WHOLE FUCKING LOT. Because yeah. Like i said...the truth hurts. But i really love my mom. When it comes down to nothing, i'll only have her. But everytime we argue...abt my addiction...i always say smething mean back at her. Something a daughter shouldn't ever do. Imagine...she'd been there for me all along and i repay her like this?! Gawd. I love her but im hurting so much...i fail as a daughter.

...as a Christian...

like i said...God must be so disappointed at me now. He might cast the 7 plagues again just because of me and i mean it. I forget to pray at night and i rarely go to mass nowadays...i get nightmares usually and i think it's because of that. i cnt believe this. i am forgetting HIM of all things :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( i deserve to be punished...i really LOVE GOD. I respect whole lots and would wnat to be closer to him...but i think my addiction has led me far away from Him. I can get addicted but not to the point that i forget my real obligations here on Earth. I am fucking frustrated now. Why did i let all of these happen? Since when did i start becoming like this...i remember in the past...i would always...ALWAYS pray and thank Him. But now..that habit disappeared and was replaced with hanging out at forums and waiting for smething w/c wont really earn me anything. IM SO STUPIDDD. I fail at being a Christian ...i fail...

SORRY IS TOO EASY TO TYPE BUT THEN IT'S REALLY HARD TO SAY IN REAL LIFE. IF IT WAS, I'D HAVE TO SAY GAZILLIONS OF EM... :((



i never meant to hurt anyone.
i never meant to forget anyone.
i never meant to lose faith...


"I'm only human." is definitely not an excuse. it's too overrated and too...doubtful. My mom, my friends...they're human too but how come i'm like this? and they're not? how come i do this? and they don't? how come they're normal...and i'm not?

I DESERVE TO DIE.

Tell Me Goodbye

Ack! SHOOT ME NOW.

I know, I know...I fail at life!!!
What kind of VIP am i for not blogging about BIGBANG'S NEW MV RIGHT AWAY?!
Urgh. As punishment...I will give up Kwon Jiyong...


NOTTT! :P


Moving onnn...

Well, here's the link to the official music video.



It received many honors already in just 3 fckin days. And look at those views! 500, 000+, bbyy. And over 6, 000+ comments & 10, 000+ ratings! & It's displayed in the MOST POPULAR & MOST VIEWED VIDEO WORLDWIDE. :D

Now that's what u call phenomenal :)) GTFO SUPER JUNIOR, WONDERGIRLS, ETC. >)) When BIGBANG mkes their come back, you're all gonna GARA GARA GO. Fckyeah!

i don't feel good today :( maybe this is what happens when u listen to a sad song for like...2 whole nights. Haha. :( Aigoo. I feel empty. And I just can't have the will to update any of my accounts now or even answer gb's or comments :(

Where'd my heart go?

Really...i don't even have the energy to do ps stuff or even update fics...
this is so strange. no. it's not abt my mood swings. : i only have those when it's the time of the month. Ahem...but it feels like that. Ugh. I need a psychiatrist. or better yet, something interesting to do so that i'll feel alive again. Sigh.

BEST AUTHORS

okay. so i was browsing thru Miss Annie's blog
(the author of The Pursuit Of happiness) and i
happen to come across this familiar name: ROZEFIRE.

And then, it all came back to me.

This ROZEFIRE is the author who had me addicted
with her fics in the past!!! A GENIUS!
Omg.
I couldn't get over the fact that two authors i love
the most know each other xDDDDD
AIGOO~

Okay. So...yeah. Ive finished the latest chpters for
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
and...gosh. i had just finished reading another
awesome awesome fic!!!!

I'M ON A ROLL >:D

It's title is: A Drifter's Paradise.

The genre is quite interestign cause it included
fantasy :) Something quite new in the soompi
threads.

The author is simply amazing.
how she came up with her 'own world'...
and how she affected hundreds of us as she
took us in it with her<3

Ahh~ I esp loved the interactions bet
Rex and Jade :))) Yeah.
Like i said, i love reading abt bickering couples
and these two are jus adorable at it<3
Hahahaha. I was laughing at most parts
and i don't usually laugh 'ALOUD' when reading...
but yeah. ADP changed that in me, i guess :D

At the same time, it brought reality to me.
Jade is actually dead.

In fact, the setting of the fic is in HELL.
And somehow, the scenes actually portrays
the world we have today that it just gives off
a wonderful feeling...
Like you're learning while you're entertained.

I friggin love the twists and OMG.
Rex is the Sex. :))))))

Until then....



"Silly girl, you aren't starring in some fairytale you know."

im updating quite fast these days xD
pssh. it's not like it's a bad thing though right?

anyway. #YayGD on twitter's TT just a while back!
WOOT! :)))) Awesome iVIPS bombarded wif
creative tweets<3 Yuh. FCK OFF Justin Beiber gay dude! :PP

WOOT! and though im quite sick today~
look what i just created! :D

Yeay xD I kinda scaled down the size cause it's too huge.

but w/e. IT'S OUR FREE PAGE IN OUR YEARBOOK!

i finally finished it. weeew. :)

CAN'T MOVE ON.

reading too many fics...
who says it's a negative thing?
HECK. i'd rather be at home in front of the computer
reading all those good fics than doing anything at all! :D

First...
it was CONSEQUENCES OF FEELINGS...

then...
CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN US...
(April Loves Black Coffee)

and then...
WELCOME TO THE UNDERWORLD...
(Paris is Worth It)

now here comes...
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS...
(J Is Looking For J)

the last three all includes GANGS.
and though im friggin freaked out just by that word,
i effin loved ALL THOSE FICS. :))))
there was never a time that i thought i wasted
my time for reading those fics up until late midnight.
id do it anytime...:) Ahhh~

“Fcuk you, Jaewon. Fcuk you.” Jay walked to him, then around him, and headed for the door.

The familiar pull on her wrist stopped her from opening the door. Those fingers around her wrist – fingers she didn’t want to be holding her… why did they feel so perfect against the folds of her skin? Why couldn’t she hide these facts from herself and dismiss them the way he easily dismissed her?

Though it was Jaewon who stopped her, it was she who spoke first. “Fine, we weren’t together. But tell me, Jaewon. Would you go so far as to say there was nothing between us? Because you’re the one holding my hand.”

She spun around to face him just as he let go.

“Was there nothing when you let me ride your bike when you wouldn’t let any other girl? Was there nothing when you made me steal a goddamn fruit? Was there nothing when we fcukin kissed in the fcukin rain?”

Jay felt more drunk than she’d ever been in her life. The coldness of the vodka was seeping into her skin.

“There was something.” His voice was soft, but steely.

“What?”

“That.”

…

“That made me drag you here, into a bath room, just so I don’t have to see you hanging off another guy. That made me break my only promise to my mother. That is making me go fcukin crazy.”

Jay scoffed. “Crazy enough to kiss another girl.”

“When the person I want to kiss is you.”

^ wasn't that just awesomely written? :D

J is looking for J

it hurts so muchhh D=
i already cried for CBU but i think i'll cry even more with
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

ohgosh, i hate this feeling.
and i havent even reached the half of the story!!!
T___________T

*gets tissues ready*